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Bo dawno nie było 

10 oldest jokes of the world

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?" (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)

6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)

7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey - his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)

9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

Ad 1. "Coś, co nie zdarzyło się od niepamiętnych czasów: młoda kobieta, która nie puszcza wiatrów w łono męża."
Ad 2. ...

Ostatnio edytowany przez sharkis (2009-03-04 10:42:58)

- My dog's got no nose!
- How does he smell?
- Awful.

Nowicjuszu, każde wrzucenie przez Ciebie linka zostanie wykorzystane przeciwko Tobie. Dodatkowo przed wstawieniem linka skonsultuj się z lekarzem lub farmaceutą
O tempora, o mores, o ku**...

What´s the difference between a lady in a church and a lady in the shower?

(Please. read aloud)
In church she has a soul filled with hope
And in the shower she has a hole filled with soap.

(o ile dobrze zrozumiałem)

Te łatwiejsze

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.
When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked...and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman," he says. "But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die some day," the leader of the
discussion said, "and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event." Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment.
"What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, before your Great Judgment Day?" the leader asked the group.
"For those 4 weeks, I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted Jesus into their lives," one gentleman said.
"A very admirable thing to do," said the group leader. And all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
"For those 4 weeks, I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater
conviction," one lady said, enthusiastically.
"That's wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
One gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly. "For those 4 weeks, I would travel throughout the United States with my mother-in-law in a Ford Escort, and stay in a Motel 6 every night."
Everyone was puzzled by his answer. "Why would you do that?" the group leader asked.

"Because," the man smiled sarcastically, "it would be the longest 4 weeks of my life."

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221

Skoro tu tylu poliglotów nie muszę więc tego tłumaczyć na język polski:

تقع على نهر الصياد. غي النهج :
لا ترى امرأة في ثوب أزرق؟
... نعم ، قبل نحو3 دقائق...
لا ، هذا كل شيء تجاوز!
أنا لا شك فيه اليوم ، وقوية جدا في نهر الحالي.

Ostatnio edytowany przez Facet z Bałut (2009-05-07 01:20:43)

[img]http://www.cksinfo.com/clipart/food/fruits/tomatoes/tomato.png[/img]

[img]http://www.virginmedia.com/images/attack_of_the_killer_tomato.jpg[/img]

[img]http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:IPQtRzQPm7GjDM:http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g51/aventham/DeviantArt/2TomatoCrazyliao.jpg[/img]

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
- I do not like Chinese.
The First Officer replies:
- Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?
- You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese.
- Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.
- Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike.
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says:
- No likee Jew.
- Why not? Why do not you like Jews?
- Jews sink Titanic.
- No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.
- Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same.

dzisiejszy

Whats the difference between sex in a canoe and american beer?
.
.
.
.
.
There isn't any. In both cases its fucking close to water